Edward Quince's Wisdom Bites: A Curated Collection of Cackles and Critiques from the XTOD Archives (Part I of III)

Welcome back to Edward Quince's Wisdom Bites, where the signal is scarce, the noise is deafening, and the truth, much like a well-aged single malt, is often found in the most unexpected drams. You asked for the finest vintage of humor and satire from the hallowed halls of our XTODs (X/Twitter Thoughts of the Day), and who am I to deny such a discerning palate? After all, in a world perpetually teetering on the brink of lunacy, a good chuckle is often the soundest investment.

Because sometimes, the best way to understand the profound absurdity of our modern world – especially in finance – is to laugh at it.

So, without further ado, let us uncork some of the more delightfully peculiar and pointedly witty observations that have graced these digital pages, proving that even in the most serious of times, absurdity (and sometimes, brilliance) finds a way.

Today will be part I of III.

I. The Corporate & Financial Circus: Where Common Sense Goes to Die

The world of big business and high finance often provides fertile ground for satire, revealing a reality far stranger than fiction.

• On Corporate Bullshit and Bureaucracy:

    ◦ "Navigating 'corporate speak' isn't easy. Here's a helpful guide I put together: 'Let me check with my team' = No... 'Open up the kimono' = HR violation... 'We use AI' = We don't use AI". A scathing yet painfully accurate dictionary for deciphering the modern workplace, where words often mean the opposite of what they say.

    ◦ "XTOD: “Every time you hear EBITDA, just substitute it with bullshit”. A blunt, timeless critique of a beloved financial metric, attributed to Charlie Munger.

    ◦ "XTOD: 'Not only will we not tell you the accurate marks, but we’re hilarious!' Aside from the cringeworthy video, can we please stop calling highly correlated levered equities “alternatives” because they don’t update the prices? That doesn’t make them bad investments, but they ain’t alternatives." A pointed jab at financial firms' marketing spin, particularly referencing a "cringeworthy video."

    ◦ "XTOD: “I wished I commuted to the office to provide maximum shareholder value more often.” This XTOD sarcastically highlights the often-performative nature of corporate work culture.

• On Market Mania and Dubious Investments:

    ◦ "XTOD: Mark Cuban said that after investing nearly $20 million in 85 startups on “Shark Tank,” he’s taken a net loss across all of those deals combined." Even the titans of industry aren't immune to the allure of a bad bet.

    ◦ "XTOD: Rumors circulating that NYC migrants will be given 10,000 in $NVDA calls". This absurd rumor highlights the fever pitch of market speculation and the bizarre narratives that emerge during a "bubble".

    ◦ "XTOD: Bored Ape Yacht Club. WTF was that?" A concise, rhetorical question perfectly encapsulating the bafflement at past speculative fads.

    ◦ "XTOD: I survived the Hawk Tuah meme coin crash of 2024". If you're interested in a T-shirt, feel free to post a comment." This self-referential XTOD mocks the fleeting, often disastrous, nature of meme coin crazes. The blog post also mentions "Hawk Tuah" memes and the emergence of "Fartcoin" as an "ultimate safe haven asset".

    ◦ "XTOD: “This is the Brownfield Fund. I’m wanting to offload my credit default swaps.” “Alright, whatcha got?” “20 double-A tranches of BBS CDOs” “These are pretty bad?” “Complete shit. Burritos underlying these didn’t even have extra guac.” XTOD: "They're called Chimichanga Default Swaps" XTOD: You are telling me these loans are backed by consumers who ordered burritos on DoorDash?" This extended, brilliant piece of satire strips away the opaque jargon of complex financial instruments, comparing them to fast-food derivatives and exposing their dubious underlying value.

    ◦ "XTOD: What stage of the market cycle is it when people are making Nvidia purses?" A humorous, albeit concerning, observation on the signs of market exuberance and mania.